the viewing deck: My Beloved Mother, My Favorite Travelmate just Suddenly Gone

We love you always and forever my beloved mother. May 1952 to Sep. 2022.

“There is something about losing a mother that is permanent and inexpressible — a wound that will never quite heal.”

Realization. Regrets. Frustration. Both of my parents passed away in consecutive month. They are separated.

The pain is undoubtedly real, my beloved mother is gone.

I'M VERY SORRY MAMA... I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!

Sep. 26, 2022 Monday 1200H I was just starting my usual manic Monday office routine when I received fb missed call from my sister followed by a message "Patay na si Mama". I was totally shocked and devastated that moment. I went downstairs to call my sister, immediately asked for videos and photos of our beloved mother until her last breathe. When I called my sister again it's too late, my mother just gave up. I cried so hard at the side of office building.

I need to stay focus as I'm just only month old as new employee (probationary status). I need to think logically how to go home as quickly as possible without compromising my professional worth and to "at least HUG my mother's body before placing her in coffin."

Sep. 26, 2022 Monday 1830H I finished all the clearances required and received all the documents needed for my unpaid 10 days emergency leave and salary deduction roundtrip tickets. I brought all my things, as I'm hesitant to go back, I have very anxious and restless thoughts all throughout the day.

During flight cruise early morning, I can't stop crying in the aircraft cabin and lavatory while choosing the best travel pictures of my beloved mother in my laptop. The pain is undoubtedly real, MY BELOVED MOTHER IS GONE.

Sep. 27, 2022 Tuesday 1630H Aircraft touchdown in NAIA runaway. Due to continuous rain, slow government Exit Permit (OEC) query process, non-availability of Grab car and gruesome traffic, I went home around 2300H. It's too late to HUG the body of my beloved mother in morgue.

I'm so depressed, have floating thoughts and rapid flashbacks of happy memories with my beloved mother. She just celebrated her 70th birthday four months ago healthy and without a trace of any sickness. I know she's a fighter, it's hard to accept that I will see her the next day in coffin. I did not see her alive before she gave up her life. THIS IS AN ETERNAL SUFFERING. The pain is undoubtedly real, MY BELOVED MOTHER IS GONE.

“Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.”

My Beloved Mother, My Favorite Travelmate just Suddenly Gone

My Beloved Travelmate Mother's Achievement:

1. She visited more than 25 Philippine Provinces

2. She visited 8 countries (Macau/Hongkong, Japan, UAE, Spain, Andorra, Portugal, Italy, Vatican)

3. She visited famous fine white sand beaches of the Philippines (El Nido, Boracay, Caramoan)

4. She stayed for almost a month in winter UAE (2017) with me, my sister and two grand sons.

5. She was 63 when we backpack adventure Japan (2015) and 66 when we were in Europe (2018).

She's a super woman, an exceptional mother and an extraordinary single parent. She is caring eldest sister to her four siblings, thoughtful Auntie and Grandmother to numerous nieces/nephews/grandchildren. My beloved mother's jolly and friendly attitude on her mini-convenience store gained her lots of friends in our neighbourhood and on her church organization. My beloved mother managed her imperfections by giving us the best tasty home cook meals everyday and ensure that our home has less maintenance as much as she can.

I blamed myself for what happened. I blamed myself for not being anticipated.

I blamed myself for all the mistakes I've made. I blamed myself for not being there on her last breathe.

If I could turn back time, I wish it was me not her. I wish I absorbed all the suffering she felt.

She deserved to live rather than me. I deserved to be punished.

My pathetic, miserable and worthless life would never be the same again.

My Beloved Mother's Birthday is 09 May 1952. Her Death Day is 26 September 2022.

Her 9th Death Day is 04 October 2022. Her 40th Death Day is 04 November 2022.

"Sana'y ika'y muling makita ko. Damhin ang tibok ng puso mo.

Sana'y yakapin mong akong muli. Kahit sandali, kahit isang saglit. Mayakap ka"

My Message to Everyone who has still their Beloved Mother:

1. Always hug her.

2. Tell her how much you love her.